When I lived in central New York, it was about this time in the summer that you had to make sure to lock your car doors where ever you went. If you didn’t, you’d return to your car to find your passenger seat filled with zucchini and yellow squash. And they were not small, lovely, tender squashes. You’d have a seat full of squash, each one as big as your thigh, all woody and seedy and the skin all tough. This is really no joke.
[Image from Jenny Hansen at Cowbell.]
Last week I was leaving CrossFit, and wonderful Lindsay — our newest trainer and the fastest, strongest, cutest person I know — said to me, “Want a zucchini?”
My first thought was, “Shit. I forgot to lock my doors.”
And then I thought, “It’s Lindsay. She totally is not going to unload her crazy enormous garden monstrosity on me. The zucchini will be small and cute, like her.”
I happily accepted her offer and followed her to her car (it’s a VW Bug. Yes, the cuteness will never end); and she proceeded to heft a 20-pound zucchini into my arms.
I smiled and thanked her and buckled the damn thing into the passenger seat of my truck. Duped again.
When I got home I immediately cut into it, thinking that I’d better start the hard work of eating it. The first night: sauteed with some onions and garlic in butter.
The second night: grilled with chicken.
The third night: sliced and dipped in guacamole.
The fourth night: “OH GOD THERE’S STILL HALF OF THIS DAMN ZUCCHINI I HAVE TO EAT!!” Oh hell no. I’m eating broccoli.
The fifth night: [Averts gaze from the partial zucchini lounging in the crisper.]
The eighth? ninth? morning:
Summer Squash Latkes: Or, When You Run Out of Zucchini Ideas
1. Grate some zucchini, yellow squash, some onion, and some red pepper (any other random vegetables that are partying in your crisper are fair game here). If you’re smart, you’ll use your grating attachment for your food processor. If you don’t, you’ll end up with some bloody knuckle in there, as well.
2. Press as much water out of the grated vegetables as you can. I use paper towels and drain it like bacon, letting it sit for a bit and changing the paper towels once or twice.
3. Whisk an egg and then mix it in with the drained veggies. Ratio should be about 1 egg to every 1.5 cups of veggies.
4. Fry in a pan with some butter until crispy-brown.
5. Serve with applesauce.
6. Rejoice that you’ve conquered the zucchini.
7. Post an ugly picture of them on your blog. Wow, I can even ruin an Instagram pic. That takes (a significantly huge lack of) talent.