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There’s a whiteboard at CrossFit York where we publicly share our fitness goals. Someone — and I don’t know who because I haven’t found the real culprit yet (‘fess up!) — edited my goals for me. Where I’d originally listed “sub-25 minute 5K,” he or she has thumbed out the 5 in 25 and replaced it with a 2.

Sub-22 minute 5K. That is a seven-minute mile. That is a velocity that my body — this here amalgam of cells and tissues — has never, ever generated. Good. Gravy.

So, two things here: 1) If you know me, you know I’m horrified. I thought that a sub-25 was a lofty, nearly unattainable goal. Guys, I’m not really a runner; I never was. I’m a loper. I mosey. I start at the back of the pack just so I can pass a couple of people and make sure I don’t end last. I go for a long time, not a fast time. One day I ran over thirty (ridiculously hilly trail) miles in the Green Lakes Endurance Run. It took me 8.5 hours.

Quick aside: I often wish that I would have had some “before CrossFit pics” to compare myself to now, and it occurs to me as I write this that I have plenty of pictures of me during races. Here are two shots from that 50K. I ran that 50K during a time when I was running 2-3 marathons a year and probably logging at least 30 miles a week when we weren’t training. Compare those photos to this, me after only 3 months of CrossFit.

2) I’m also horrified by the amendment to my goals in another completely different way: I cannot, cannot, let a challenge like this go unanswered — or at least unattempted (and I fear it may only be an attempt. Or maybe many repeated unsuccessful attempts). I am Monica Geller. I want to be victorious. So, I’m horrified because I’m actually going to try this ridiculousness.

Excuse me while I go run some 400s.

Breakfast:
[7:00]
one egg scrambled with mushrooms, half a red pepper, some onion, and one turkey sausage link
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[11:00]
a Colbey brownie (the last one, and so I am SAD), 20 almonds + 5 small dates, some vegie chips

Snack:
[3:30]
the last of the Sweet Potato Cottage Pie (good riddance, I say) + one chopped apple, 3 chopped celery sticks, and a glob of almond butter sprinkled with coconut flakes

Dinner:
[6:30]
brussels, broccoli, and half a chicken breast
A BIG HONKING GLASS OF SHIRAZ*

WOD: no official WOD today, as work was crizz-azy. Instead, Brian and I took advantage of the pleasant early-spring weather and hit the Rail Trail on bike (he) and foot (me). We covered 3 quick-ish miles, though I ASSURE you they were nothing near 7-minute miles. I am so screwed.

*Fortunately, the CrossFit Open begins this week, and the first WOD is a million burpees. I’ll be doing enough burpees in the next four days to account for a case wine.

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