sunday morning blather

About the 70s and 80s:

Why is it that all the books on content analysis are either from the late seventies (OK, and the early 80s, too) OR checked out and excessively overdue (indicating that even a recall would be questionable in my actually getting the book)?

About the 90s:

Fighting Gravity, or Boy O Boy for old school fans, came up on my playlist this morning. All of my stuff of theirs is from the early 90s, and while friends and I used to make frequent (sometimes illicit–sorry mom!) trips to Richmond and Virginia Beach to see them play, I’ve been out of touch with what they’re doing for about 10 years. Since I’m sitting in the office feeling sorry for myself because I feel like crap (see 100s), I allowed myself a quick google-around to see what they’re up to. I’m disappointed to say that the horn players are gone, and from what I gather listening to snippets here and there, the signature ska that I spent many a night skanking mightily to has been replaced by something more Dave Matthews-esque. Not that I don’t love Dave, as I snuck out many a night (sorry again, mom!) and into many clubs to see him play around Hampton Roads before they became superstars. (I have this great memory of getting backstage at a show they played at Town Point Park in Norfolk and watching them from about 10 feet away. Beauford’s enormous kit would travel forward several feet during each song, and in between some roadies would scurry out onto the stage and shove the whole thing back. During the longer pieces Beauford himself would have to grab hold of the snare, or the bass, or the high hat stand, or whatever, and pull it back toward him. And he managed to continue drumming *while* rearranging the kit, not ever missing a proverbial beat. He was/is amazing.) Oh, what was I saying? Yeah, too bad FG ain’t ska no mo.

About the 100s:

I joked my students a few weeks ago that *I* don’t get sick. Apparently the joke is on me. Today my head is so full of snot that the gingerest of footsteps (my own) send the bones in my face reeling in pain. And I have the shivers and sweats of someone working a decent fever; I’m sure if I took my temp it would top 100.

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5 thoughts on “sunday morning blather

  1. i have at least one of them too. i have a few that were mostly useless & one i just got from recall that may or may not be. but when you come over wednesday, i will gladly hand off any you want, if you’d prefer that to having to try & find them re-shelved!

  2. I found your blog today when in a moment of despair I googled “bad mom Syracuse” hoping there was someone out there who might be struggling like me. I was grateful to find your site. I haven’t read them all but I enjoyed the bad mom good mom part a lot. ALOT. I too am in academia, am a single mom of a toddler who never sleeps. But is an angel. Mostly. I was wondering if you might have some advice on making friends. I know it sound a bit childish – but being a mom prevents me often from mixing with my single friends and the mom friends I am finding (thru community groups) are kind of mean with the stay at home thing. They are kind of exclusive with their friendship. Working moms – how do they meet each other? And can you really have friends with babies and scholarship and classes and all the rest? I went to a conference over the summer and was very excited when they had a panel on being a mom in the discipline – and when I got there I actually cried. No joke. Couldn’t stop. It was, embarrassing, to say the least. Very professional. Not. But everyone was very understanding. They said I should find a community. So I’ve been looking. But I can’t seem to find one. Where are they? Anyway. Sorry to unload. Just nice to know sometimes that you are not alone. So. Thanks. Your critics might say you are “exploiting your kids”. I don’t agree. But what I do know is that your blog gives this desperate mom a little hope.

    grateful,
    sleepless in syracuse

  3. Hey sleepless.

    All the friends that I have (besides my fellow PhD-student-collegues) are friends that I made because of my kids. One of my best friends is the mom of one of Hannah’s enduring friends from kindergarten.

    I totally understand about exclusivity, though. I’m not from here, and so when we moved here 5 years ago, I had NO ONE. And I came up against the exclusivity of moms who had gone to high school together, had their babies together, and now did play dates together. And I just made them come to my house for the play date. Essentially, I was that little dog in the cartoon, jumping and jumping and saying “Hey, Spike, wanna go chase cats?” (That persistent, but less pathetic.) And then when I found those one or two moms I felt I really connected with, I invited their whole family over for dinner.

    I’m from the south. I’m big on sharing meals. Play dates always involve snacks. Good ones.

    At any rate, I also have a handful of kidless single friends, and some friends whose kids are in high school (so they might as well be kidless since they don’t need to find a babysitter). I make them come over for dinner a lot, too. I belong to a little running community of all kinds of people–kids, no kids, married, not, etc.

    I’m not sure what, exactly, the trick or secret is to cultivating and maintaining a social life with kids. I guess my advice is invite people with kids for dinner at your house. 🙂 That seems to be the pattern for me. The kids play, and you visit. And as far as people being/seeming “mean” about the SAH thing, maybe give them another chance, or find another group. A lot of times what initially appears to be meanness is something else: shyness, or intimidatedness (esp if you’re in academia–many non-academic moms are intimidated by those of us who “think we’re smarter”), or simple ignorance (maybe they don’t know they’re giving you the cold shoulder?). If this isn’t the case, and the meanness you experienced was straight-up, find another community group. There’s a group in Phoenix (but there might be one nearer to you in Syr) called Tingle Toddler where the kids get together to do music/dance/movement and I have students with small kids who swear by it. I’m not finding a URL so I’ll ask my students this week if I can get a phone number for you.

    Hang in there! My mantra for years (with the sleepless monster toddler) was: this too shall pass. 🙂

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