As the smartest person I know told me on Friday when I drove to campus to turn in the last exam,

I’m dun. D-U-N, dun.

So, we left campus. I had all my crazy kids with me, and for whatever reason, it was all I could do to keep from crying as I walked away from the building.

And really, I’m not done. I still have to actually PASS.

So as we get into the car, the kids are hungry and begging for burgers. They plead for McDonald’s, and I acquiesce, simply because it’s been for damn ever since they’ve had some nice greasy cheeseburgers and played some DDR.

We get our artery-clogging meal and we eat, and I’m beginning to feel a little better. I’m sitting at a table, not reading a damn thing, and watching the kids go up through the human-sized hamster tubes and coming down the slide.

Until Jack comes down the slide one last time and says to me: “Mom, I think someone pooped in the slide.”

I pause, not really thinking he could be serious. Thinking someone probably farted, or some baby had a diaper full, but not thinking that someone actually left turds in the hamster tube.

But nooooohooo. Some kid HAD ACTUALLY SHIT in the slide, and both my boys ended up with someone else’s crap all over their shorts.

OH MY GOD. It was the most disgusting thing I’ve EVER had to deal with. Since is Josh full-fledged potty trained, I do not carry a diaper bag or a change of clothes for ANY CHILD anymore. I had nothing to put on either of them.

The rest of the story is a blur. I know I ended up throwing Josh’s shorts and socks in the trash in the bathroom, and I stripped Jack down in the parking lot before he got in the car. Jack was especially traumatized, and gets VERY upset when I recount the story for anyone.

So the day I finished my exams ended up being, all in all, NOT relaxing at all.

We came home and I hosed the boys down in the driveway. Then I went inside and lay on the couch and watched _The People’s Court_.


8 thoughts on “dun

  1. This sounds like grounds for a big supply of free happy meals. I hope you told the manager – and I hope you write to the manager and several higher-ups. It’s a shame you can’t find the parents of the offending kid and beat the shit out of them.

  2. I knew the playland slides were exhilarating, but never have I heard one being that exhilarating. Sheesh.

    And way to go re: exams. Huge relief, I’ll bet.

  3. It occurred to me that I might complain to someone–but then, really, McDonald’s can’t be held responsible for their clients’ behavior. I don’t think, anyway.

    Plus, it was mortifying in some respects. I didn’t want to talk to ANYBODY. It was foul and horrifying and I just wanted to get out of there right then. I didn’t want to know who left a load in the slide, I didn’t want free happy meals, and I really never want to set foot in a playland ever again.


  4. There must be a moral to this story, somewhere. Like, even when you’ve accomplished great things, you still have to deal with other people’s shit. On the other hand, since that’s always already the story of your life, I think it was just a karmic mixup and that in fact you deserve another chance at celebrating. Oh, wait, you did that! Hope Saturday’s festivities were wonderful, and that now we can get together and dish the dirt!

  5. congrats on being done! But actually, (sorry to say) I felt a bit of a let down upon completion. The important thing, it turns out, is having done the reading and writing and thinking, and there is no way to “assess” that. So you’ll pass, of course. But you already have.

    Sorry about the McD’s incident. I had a friend who worked at Chucky Cheese and told me that kids were always peeing in the cage full of balls. Since then I’ve been sort of wary of kids’ play areas. Now I have another reason to avoid McD’s. (Sonic Burger? The novelty of eating in the car? But it’s no Playland. Sigh.)

    Congrats again, Dr. Academom!

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