how I have failed as a dance mom

Another quick list:

1. her body bag is not convertible

2. her lipstick is not red enough

3. I could not, after three stores and hours of driving, find peachy flesh-colored elastic for the red pill box she wears during her tap number

4. we had no bobby pins in the house for the dress rehearsal, so her bun was not a “true” bun, but instead a strange concoction of twisty braid and elastics

5. I could not stay for the dress rehearsal–I had to meet with my life coach

6. I only bought ONE body bag, and she snagged and put a hole into the only one she has during the dress rehearsal

7. I cannot afford to cater the after-recital party

To make up for my many shortcomings as a dance mom, I will:

1. attempt to cut holes in the bottom of the feet of her existing body bag see #6

2. send my mom, an at-large Sweet Adeline, to the drug store to find the reddest lipstick she can. Because her sense of glam is far more honed than mine, for sure.

3. use a peach-colored marker and color some white elastic.

4. run to the dollar store for some bobby pins

5. tell her to “tough it out, I’ll be back to pick you up after the life coach gets me on the right track”–and then get her some Taco Bell when she’s done

6. spend an entire Friday frantically searching for a (convertible this time) body bag (I ordered the first one online)

7. make my mom cook tamales for the post-recital party


3 thoughts on “how I have failed as a dance mom

  1. Does it help at all that many years from now she’ll realize what an amazing and devoted mom you are and were? Probably not, I know. But you are.

  2. I’m just bloghopping, but I saw this and had to reply:

    “use a peach-colored marker and color some white elastic”

    My daughter’s dance teacher suggested foundation (makeup).

    After-recital party? We went to Friendly’s. 🙂 However, I did rock when it came to bobby-pin having.

  3. Foundation would have been perfect! I just don’t have any. And when I did get the bobby-pins, she was sorry. I forgot how you have to jam them in so that they hold tight. I kept telling her, “just a few more,” and she kept saying, “you just SAID THAT!! OUCH!!”

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