two day redux

Tuesday:

All day: TA orientation.

Afternoon/Evening: Tyra and I trek to SPAC to see Tori Amos work her magic.

While a longtime, somewhat zealous-less, fan (never bought more than _Little Earthquakes_), I never made it to see her. And since I haven’t had cable in nearly 10 years, I haven’t seen videos and etc, either. To actually see her (finally) was quite, hm, creepy. Well, not creepy in a bad way. If there can be a non-bad creepiness. But I’m convinced she is a witch. She flew out onto the stage with a non-human grace. Her musicianship is out-of-this world. I mean, who plays the piano with one hand on one side, and plays the organ with the other hand on the other? Her voice is truly one-of-a-kind as well. I was entranced, mezmorized. It was a fabulous, fabulous show.

Yesterday:

Morning: TA orientation. Incidentally, B asked me at one point, “Why do you have to keep attending orientation? Haven’t you already done that?”

“Yes, dear. This time I’m an “orientER, not an orientEE.”

“Oh,” he says. “That makes sense.”

Afternoon: We travel as a family unit to Cazenovia, where I’ll be working two FY comp classes. I had to fill out HR paperwork, and B wanted to see the village and campus. As we come into the ginger-bread cottage town, J-baby begins making his “ouch” noises. “Ya-ya!” he moans. “Ya-YA!” and grabs between his legs.

I figure he needs a new diaper, and tell him, “Just a minute, honey.”

We get to the little house that is the HR building and I go in to get the stack of paperwork. The weather is rather beautiful (and I’ve been cooped inside for a week), so I take the stack outside, thinking I’ll sit on the front porch and watch B chase the boys up and down the sidewalk.

B had changed J-baby’s diaper, but J is still crying and grabbing at himself. The minute he sees me, he runs over and grabs me. I am overtaken by guilt and anxiety. I haven’t seen J in nearly 36 hours, as I left yesterday morning before he woke, returned home yesterday night well after he went to bed, left this morning before he woke, etc. I realize I have no idea what he’s eaten, how much water he’s drunk, what injuries, if any, he’s sustained, etc. I begin to panic and CANNOT focus on filling out the background check form (where did I live two years ago? shit. where the hell am I RIGHT NOW??)

I return the paperwork to the HR people scribbled furiously. I don’t bother filling out half of the application since I’ve already been officially hired. I rush back to the car, where suddenly the frantic baby-crotch grabbing has subsided and he’s happily steering the wheel and changing the radio stations.

Gah.

So we get home and T, the resident vagrant brother, has his van backed up to the house and is steadily packing it with his drums and other various equipment. I pause, wondering if it is a gig, or if he’s leaving. I figure I’ll ask.

It turns out he’s packing to leave, or more specifically, packing his stuff to pawn and then move out. He’s angry because I’ve asked my mom if she will keep Ch (T’s daughter) this year, as I am working about twice as much and will be trying to finish exams. Apparently, I’ve betrayed him by not asking his opinion on the subject first.

Well.

It would be easier to ask an opinion of a person if he were actually around once in a while (not just to come home in the morning to take a shower and then leave immediately), or if he would answer/remember to take with/remember to charge the cell phone I bought him.

But since it wasn’t that easy, and since mom’s technically, legally, got primary custody of Ch, I figured I wasn’t too out of line asking her if she would mind Ch staying this year. God knows Ch is happier with mom. She’s an only child there. Here, she’s got to compete with my three.

Yeah. So he was mad. And I was already all tanked up on adrenaline from the HR/J-baby incident, that I shook and stuttered as I tried to tell T that if he wanted to move out, that was fine, but that the smart thing to do would be to stay, quit spending his paycheck at the bar, save his money, get his own place, and then try to get custody, if that’s what he wanted.

Not sure how effective my big-sister speech was. He left shortly after I tried to convince him we weren’t all ganging up on him. And I told him it was admittedly selfish of me to ask mom to keep her, but that I needed to be selfish right then, and that I was entitled to for once put my own needs in front of his. FOR ONCE.

Whatever. I haven’t seen him since.

Today:

I woke up at 530, ran 5 miles, attended the Writing Program’s Fall Conference, found the buildings I’ll be teaching in next week, attended a new part-time instructor orientation. Had various run-ins with people whom I’ve not been particularly attentive to.

Stress. Hel-lo. Sometimes people suk.

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4 thoughts on “two day redux

  1. First of all, people almost always suck.
    Second, you are not selfish. . . at least not from my perspective. In fact, you seem more likely to give, give, give until you keel over from exhaustion (which is why I hired you as an underpaid adjunct. ha.)

  2. I would have to 100% agree w/ “RunningBurro” as selfishness is not at all you. You have a full time job x’s 4 (including school) & taking sweet care of Ch. You were admitting to yourself that Ch would be better off w/ your mom as an only child than have to wait in line. If anything, I would say that is pure love, not selfishness. You were actually doing Ch a favor as she gets solo time with her GrannyBee and be an “only” child for awhile…as well as learn skills such as sheep shearing (which is quite handy when you have a lot of sheep). As for T storming off, you have been feeling responsible for him and you have been a great big sister for letting him stay in your house. You’ve done a great job and shouldn’t stop picking on yourself.

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