45

So, I still like my sweet potato brownies. I ate one today for breakfast and had one after lunch. I paused over the pan this morning before I cut myself a square, asking myself whether it was a good idea to eat a brownie for breakfast. And then I reminded myself what they contained: Sweet potato. Prunes. Eggs. Sounds like breakfast to me. I dug in.

And here we are at the halfway mark. I saw a friend today that I haven’t seen since September. She told me that I looked really great, which made my day. Then she asked if I was still doing that crazy cult fit stuff? How often did I go? Was I on a crazy diet, too?

The answers were: 1) Yes. I love CrossFit, and I love my CrossFit people. It is not a cult, it is a community. 2) I go at least 5 days a week. [At this, her jaw dropped a little.] I would go every day if they let me, but they won’t. (Something about rest and recovery. Rusty is smarter than I am; I listen.) 3) And to answer her last question, I began to explain how I was half way through this experimental diet challenge, and then I stopped. I’m not sure this is an experiment anymore. I certainly don’t see myself as being “on a diet.” I mean, I’ll eat cheese again, and I’ll put half and half in my coffee the minute this business is over. [Dude, the MINUTE.] I’m going to use honey and agave and make some awesome cookies and brownies. But this really isn’t a diet for me. I kind of like eating without the sugar rushes and crashes, without the bloating in my gut. I like that my skin is good and my hair is healthy. I like that I’m LOOKING FORWARD to shopping for a new bathing suit. I. do. not. joke.

So, I just told her that I eat very differently now. I eat brownies made out of sweet potatoes and prunes. And then I invited her to come and hang out during a session at CFYork. If I can get her in there, I think she’ll be hooked, just like me.

Breakfast:
[8:00]
2 slices of bacon
1 sweet potato brownie
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[1:00]
2 crumbled slices of bacon + brussels and mushrooms heated in a pan
1 sweet potato brownie

Snack:
[2:00]
1 small apple + glob of almond butter, sprinkled with coconut flakes and chopped pecans

Snack:
[4:30]
20 pistachios and 1/4 C pecans

Dinner:
[7:30]
gigantic salad of mixed greens, onions, tomatoes, sliced apples, pecans, and grilled chicken with balsamic vinegar and olive oil

WOD: For time, 50-40-30-20-10 squats, hand-release push-ups, and sit-ups. I finished in 15:30ish. Then, I did 10 hand-stand push-ups, worked a little bit on my muscle-up, and attempted the butterfly technique for pull-ups.

44 (continued adventures in no-cheat treats)

Ok, so it turns out that the no-cheat cookie is actually quite cheat-y. *sigh* Because we’re working to reduce sugar as much as possible, we should be avoiding the agave and the honey when possible. And theoretically, it’s possible for me to avoid cookies.

Theoretically.

So, once I was alerted about my sweetener misconception, I took the last of the no-cheat cheating cookies to the box so that Kelsey would have to eat them for me — sparing me the last of the cheats… Fortunately, I’d also given Colbey half the batch, so I managed to share the (unwitting) cheats rather than wolf them all down myself. And then I set out to find a true, no-cheat treat. I found a recipe that appeared to be properly tractable for de-cheat-ifying.

[Fortunately, I'm off from teaching this week, so I have a bunch of time to waste* in junking up my kitchen and practicing with my Cuisinart.]

I’ll post the recipe I came up with for the no-cheat sweet potato brownies, and I’ll advise you to proceed at your own risk. The results are questionable. I say questionable because when I finally ate one, I was starving, so it’s hard to gauge how good they were. What I mean to say is that when I’m hungry, I am generally amenable to eating pretty much whatever. I thought they were edible; in fact, I rather enjoyed them — I enjoyed them enough to eat three, one after the other. However, when my poor hapless Brian ventured a taste of one, the following exchange ensued:

He: [*gag* *gag*]
Me: Are they that bad?
He: I can’t believe that you LET ME EAT THAT. *gag* *wince* I can’t believe that YOU LIKE THAT!!! I can’t even swallow it…
Me: …
He: It tastes like… dirt… mixed with a little grass. Hannah, go get me some mud or something to wash the taste out of my mouth…

So, I say again: proceed at your own risk. I will make these again, but I’ll try with a little more flour and cocoa powder, a little less egg, and a different, more sweet sweetener (like date paste or applesauce).

Questionably Good No-Cheat Sweet Potato Brownies:

1 baked sweet potato (I did it in the microwave)
3 eggs
10 prunes, made into paste with a little water in the Cuisinart (I would have used dates, but I’m running low, and I didn’t have any applesauce on hand)
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 C coconut oil

4 tbsp cocoa powder
3 tbsp almond flour
1/4 tsp baking powder

Preheat oven to 350; grease 8X8 pan with coconut oil. Combine wet ingredients, then dry. Then combine both. Spread into pan and bake for 30 minutes.

I maintain that they are good. Brian thinks I think they’re good because I’ve forgotten what real food tastes like. He may be correct.

Breakfast:
[8:00]
3 oz grilled steak sliced and reheated with mushrooms and an egg
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[12:00]
Char-grilled chicken salad from Chick-fil-a, scraped clean of its cheese

Snack:
[2:00]
one apple + one tbsp of almond butter

Snack:
[6:00]
coffee (half caf) + coconut milk

Dinner:
[7:30]
3 questionably good no-cheat brownies
half a chicken breast sliced and reheated with some brussels, broccoli, and zucchini
glass of almond milk

WOD: warm-up: Run 800 then 8 rounds of 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 10 pistols… Except that I read the board wrong and thought the 800m run was part of the 8 rounds, so I ran an extra 800. Duh.
THEN: Deadlift 3 rep max. I got a new PR, picking up 205# thrice. I then picked up 215# once, but couldn’t get it off the ground again. Next time, for sure.

*This is patently untrue. I have 3 deadlines at the end of this week. I have no time for this treat-making business. And yet.]

43 (and the birth of the no-cheat cookie)

OK, guys. There’s been a whole lotta cheatin’ goin’ on, and I think I should try for a week free from cheats. Starting today. In service of that goal, I set out to make a cookie that would not have me crankin’ the burpees out. Therefore, I present to you the no-cheat cookie:

Here’s the recipe (it’s very similar to the coconut chocolate chip cookie, with some modifications):

Ingredients:
1 1/4 C almond flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
4 Tbsp cocoa powder

1/8 C coconut oil
1/6ish C agave (sorry for the unconventional measure; I use my 1/4 C measure and don’t fill it all the way)
1 tsp vanilla

1/4 C each chopped pecans and chopped pistachios

coconut flakes

Pre-heat oven to 325.

Pulse the almond meal, salt, soda, and cocoa powder in the food processor for about a minute.

Combine agave, coconut oil, and vanilla in a bowl.

Combine wet and dry ingredients. Fold in nutz. (Next time, I’ll chop the nuts a bit more finely; as you can see in the above picture, the pistachios would rather NOT be part of the cookie, thankyouverymuch. They tried very hard to escape).

Moosh dough into your preferred shape. Cookie is a good shape, but if you made them into rectangles, they could pass as energy bars and be spared the stigma of being a dessert.

Press the bottoms of your cookies (or bars) into a plate of coconut flakes, and then place onto cookie sheet. Bake for 10ish minutes. Makes about 12 cookies.

Look, Ma (er, Kelsey)! No-cheat!

Breakfast:
[8:30]
one egg scrambled + 3 oz of leftover grilled steak + mushrooms heated in the pan
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[2:00]
3 oz grilled steak, sliced and re-heated with brussels and mushrooms
2 no-cheat cookies

Dinner:
[Eaten in small portions between 6:00 and 8:00]
half a grilled chicken breast
apple + celery + spoonful of almond butter
20 pistachios + 4 small dates

Snizzack:
[10:00]
one no-cheat cookie

WOD: 21-15-9 of squat cleans, jerks, and ring dips. Forgot to get my time, which was probably close to 30 minutes (I have to rest between each ring dip or they are un-doable). Did 75# for the squat cleans and jerks, and it felt pretty good. Not easy, but good.

42

Breakfast:
[8:00]
coffee + coconut milk
3 clementines

Lunch:
[12:00]
one small apple + 3 celery sticks topped w almond butter and toasted coconut flakes
20 almonds, 4 small dates

Snack:
[3:00]
small handful of dried cherries + 2 dates + 20 cashews

Dinner:
[4:30]
broiled seafood (scallops, tilapia, shrimp, crabcake [no breading!])
salad (iceberg, onion, tomato, pepperoncini, black olives, italian dressing)
and then for the badness:
tropical fruit sangria
several “tastes” of the following: spinach ravioli, brownie a la mode, and cheesecake

No WOD. But oh, will I be doing burpees tomorrow.

41

Breakfast:
[6:30]
coffee + almond milk
small handful of cashews, 2 dates, some dried cherries

Lunch:
[12:00]
one egg scrambled with 1 slice of bacon, some onion, avocado, mushrooms and red peppers

Snack:
[2:00]
pork rinds + veggie chips

Snack:
[5:00]
one apple + 3 sticks of celery topped with 1 tbsp almond butter, coconut flakes, and one slice of crumbled bacon

Dinner:
[7:30]
4 oz grilled steak + zucchini and broccoli
3 coconut chocolate chip cheater cookies

WOD Saturday team workout: Row 250, 9 pull-ups, 9 thrusters, 50 double-unders, 15 pull-ups, 15 thrusters, 50 double-unders, 21 pull-ups, 21 thrusters, row 250. Not sure what our time was but the 75# thrusters kicked my ass (and I like that).

coconut chocolate chip cookies

NOTE to all CFY Paleo Questers: These cookies do count as a cheat, since the chocolate I use is made with demarara sugar. You might be able to replace the Lindt chocolate with baker’s chocolate or with something unsweetened, but I assure you they are worth the cheat.

Ingredients:
1 1/4 C almond flour (I used Bob’s Red Mill, which is a course meal)
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

1/8 C coconut oil
>1/4 C agave (next time I make them, I’m going to reduce this by about a third)
1 tsp vanilla

1/4 C [about 1/4 of the bar] Lindt extra dark chocolate (85%), crumbled into “chips”

coconut flakes

Pre-heat oven to 325.

Pulse the almond meal, salt, and soda in the food processor for about a minute. According to bakergal, Bob’s Red Mill is too coarse for cookies, but it’s all we have at our local grocery store. Putting it in the food processor helps, though. I had no complaints about the texture.

Combine agave, coconut oil, and vanilla in a bowl. I had to put the “oil” (which is the consistency of Crisco) into the microwave for about 15 seconds to soften it up.

Combine wet and dry ingredients. [Your dough should be like a wet play-doh, strong enough to withstand rolling between your palms to make ball.] Fold in chocolate chips.

Sprinkle coconut flakes on the cookie sheet (this prevents them from sticking; also, it makes the COCONUTTY. Yum)

Roll cookies into small balls, and then flatten into cookies manually (according to the original recipe, they will not spread like conventional cookies, so you must force them into the cookie shape).

Place on coconut-flaked sheet and bake for about 12 minutes. I’d watch them carefully, though. Bakergal says they burn easily, and when I made them I used an insulated aluminum cookie pan. On a regular cookie sheet, you may need to bake them for only half that time. Therefore, I babysat the cookies diligently:

It’s a very good idea to let other people know you have cookies. They will (rightfully) expect to GET SOME, and then you have the responsibility to an outside party that prevents you from eating the whole batch.

40

Today was marked by my desperate attempts to eat something bread-like. I began this morning, mashing some leftover yams and parsnips with some egg and thinking I’d cook the “batter” in the pan like pancakes. I underestimated the amount of egg I needed, though, and so I ended up eating soggy mashed yam-parsnip-egg gruel with some bacon on the side (as a consolation).

I had about 1 cup of leftover mashed yam-parsnip, and so when I got home from work I doubled the egg and tried again. This time, I got honest-to-god pancake like goodness: yamcakes:

They were still delicate, so I had to be gentle with their flipping. Though I was only gentle long enough to get them out of the pan and onto my plate. Then I devoured them. They were more blintz-y or crepe-y than cake-y, but they were still good.

Then, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I encountered Colbey’s empty yogurt container — the vessel that contained those-brownies-that-shall-not-be-named (CRACK!!). Anyway, I despaired that I had nothing good to fill it with before I returned it to her. Sooo. I returned to the scene of Colbey’s crime (bakergal.com) and found a chocolate chip cookie recipe… that called for a bunch of shit I could not find at Giant (macadamia nut oil, super-fine almond flour). So, I used Ms. Bakergal’s framework and made my own recipe. And holy shit balls y’all. I should have NEVER EVER done such a thing. Because these cookies are so good, I think I like them better (BETTER I SAY) than regular bread-y cookies.

Breakfast:
[7:30]
sad, mashed yams and parsnips cooked sadly with one soggy egg (not horrible tasting, though, so I ate it anyway)
2 slices of bacon
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[12:30]
one small apple + 3 celery sticks topped with one TBSP almond butter + coconut flakes and CRUMBLED BACON (about 1.5 slices)
(this is like a small moment of heaven, I mean it)
20 almonds

Snack:
[4:00]
three yamcakes + 1 tsp honey

Dinner #1:
[6:30]
coconut shrimp courtesy my lovely resident chef, who did not share his recipe yet, but I bet I can get him to talk

Dinner #2:
[8:00]
small hunk of grilled rockfish with half a sauteed zucchini, also courtesy my lovely chef

Snack:
[10:00]
two small but absolutely worth it chocolate chip cookies

WOD: 5 rounds of: 5 snatches, 10 overhead squats, 15 push-ups, and 20 V-ups. Forgot to look at my time, but it was, as usual with the snatches and OHSs, slow. Still a very good, very hard, very satisfying workout.

39 (the day of the fat smacks)

Today was the first official day of the CrossFit Open. For 5 weeks, a weekly workout prescribed by headquarters is posted on the official site, and anyone who wants to participate in the competition can. The first official workout was posted last night: AMRAP Burpees, 7 minutes.

“This workout begins from the standing position. The Athlete will move from flat on the ground to touching an object with both hands that is 6 inches above their max reach. Score is total reps completed.”

These are burpees with a little something extra: that 6 inch jump at the top, which I didn’t find to be too difficult. And I am happy that the competition began with a movement that nearly anyone can execute. Anyway, one key to a good (or, rather, a fast, efficient burpee) is dropping down quickly — essentially smacking the frontside of yourself (thighs, stomach, chest) to the floor. Colbey and I nicknamed burpees “fat smacks” for this reason. I’ve some nice bruising on my knees to show for it.

In other news, there’s been chatter around the CrossFit York Nutrition Quest Campfire (that is, the Facebook group) about people noticing a reduction in their appetite. To be clear, that has not been the case for me. If anything, I’m still always feeling hungry (or feeling afraid of getting hungry). And at the weigh-in today, I clocked the exact same poundage as I did 39 days ago. Not an ounce less (in fact, the scale said I gained 2/10 of a pound).

Breakfast:
[7:30]
one egg scrambled with half a red pepper, some onion, some mushrooms, and one turkey sausage link (see pic above; it’s mostly vegetables; the egg is basically a condiment)
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[12:00]
half a grilled chicken breast sliced and reheated with some broccoli and brussels

Snack:
[1:30]
20 almonds + 4 small dates
small piece of dark chocolate
1/3 C dried blueberries

Snack:
[6:00]
20 almonds + 4 small dates
handful of god-awful pumpkin seeds (oh, they’re horrible)

Snack:
[7:30]
handful of veggie chips

Dinner:
[8:30]
small bit (2-3 ozs) of roast beast with some boiled parsnips, yams, and onion

WOD: AMRAP 7 minutes: burpees + six-inch jump; 93 reps completed.

38

There’s a whiteboard at CrossFit York where we publicly share our fitness goals. Someone — and I don’t know who because I haven’t found the real culprit yet (‘fess up!) — edited my goals for me. Where I’d originally listed “sub-25 minute 5K,” he or she has thumbed out the 5 in 25 and replaced it with a 2.

Sub-22 minute 5K. That is a seven-minute mile. That is a velocity that my body — this here amalgam of cells and tissues — has never, ever generated. Good. Gravy.

So, two things here: 1) If you know me, you know I’m horrified. I thought that a sub-25 was a lofty, nearly unattainable goal. Guys, I’m not really a runner; I never was. I’m a loper. I mosey. I start at the back of the pack just so I can pass a couple of people and make sure I don’t end last. I go for a long time, not a fast time. One day I ran over thirty (ridiculously hilly trail) miles in the Green Lakes Endurance Run. It took me 8.5 hours.

Quick aside: I often wish that I would have had some “before CrossFit pics” to compare myself to now, and it occurs to me as I write this that I have plenty of pictures of me during races. Here are two shots from that 50K. I ran that 50K during a time when I was running 2-3 marathons a year and probably logging at least 30 miles a week when we weren’t training. Compare those photos to this, me after only 3 months of CrossFit.

2) I’m also horrified by the amendment to my goals in another completely different way: I cannot, cannot, let a challenge like this go unanswered — or at least unattempted (and I fear it may only be an attempt. Or maybe many repeated unsuccessful attempts). I am Monica Geller. I want to be victorious. So, I’m horrified because I’m actually going to try this ridiculousness.

Excuse me while I go run some 400s.

Breakfast:
[7:00]
one egg scrambled with mushrooms, half a red pepper, some onion, and one turkey sausage link
coffee + coconut milk

Lunch:
[11:00]
a Colbey brownie (the last one, and so I am SAD), 20 almonds + 5 small dates, some vegie chips

Snack:
[3:30]
the last of the Sweet Potato Cottage Pie (good riddance, I say) + one chopped apple, 3 chopped celery sticks, and a glob of almond butter sprinkled with coconut flakes

Dinner:
[6:30]
brussels, broccoli, and half a chicken breast
A BIG HONKING GLASS OF SHIRAZ*

WOD: no official WOD today, as work was crizz-azy. Instead, Brian and I took advantage of the pleasant early-spring weather and hit the Rail Trail on bike (he) and foot (me). We covered 3 quick-ish miles, though I ASSURE you they were nothing near 7-minute miles. I am so screwed.

*Fortunately, the CrossFit Open begins this week, and the first WOD is a million burpees. I’ll be doing enough burpees in the next four days to account for a case wine.

37

Breakfast:
[7:00]
one egg scrambled with half a red pepper, portobello mushrooms, one link of turkey sausage, and some onion
coffee + coconut milk

Snack:
[10:00]
20 almonds + 3 dates

Lunch:
[12:30]
pulled pork, coleslaw, and steamed carrots and zucchini
half a small apple
one colbey crack brownie

Snack:
[4:30]
one small pear + about 1/4 C cashews

Snack:
[7:30]
vegetable chips
a few pork rinds with avocado, red pepper, and onions mooshed into sort-of guacamole

Dinner:
[8:30]
half a grilled chicken breast

WOD: 1 rep max of press (85), push press (100), and push jerk (110) + 15 minutes of skill work (I did 100 double-unders and worked on my hand-stand push-ups, trying to get rid of the “bow” in my back.)